What Happens When We Truly See Each Other

I often tell my clients that therapy is about connection before anything else. It’s about feeling seen—sometimes for the very first time. David Brooks’ book How to Know a Person put that truth into words in a way that felt deeply affirming of my work and purpose.

Reading this book reminded me of what Johann Hari so powerfully argues in Lost Connections—that depression and anxiety are often symptoms of disconnection. We live in a world that rushes us past one another. Slowing down long enough to know someone isn’t just rare—it’s radical.

What struck me most in Brooks’ writing was the simple but profound reminder that listening is what people most need. Not fixing, not guiding—just listening with the intent to know them. He shares the story of a German community that made intentional efforts to see each other, not just as neighbors, but as humans with depth, longing, and complexity. It made me emotional to read because it illuminated something I believe to my core: all of us are striving to be known.

As a therapist, I’m not there to have all the answers. I’m there to be a tether—something steady to hold onto when life feels uncertain. Sometimes the most healing moment in session is when someone shares their truth, and I simply say, “That makes so much sense.” That kind of presence can be more restorative than any technique or diagnosis.

Brooks reminds us that being known is a human need, not a luxury. And the art of truly knowing someone begins with our willingness to slow down, be curious, and offer our full attention.

If you’re feeling disconnected lately, this book is a gentle call back to what matters most: seeing and being seen.